Vulnerable and loving it

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Chri, Christianity, God, grace, Jesus, prayer, Religion, spirituality

A friend posted this as her status on Facebook today.

“Spirituality without a prayer life is no spirituality at all, and it will not last beyond the first defeats. Prayer is an opening of the self so that the Word of God can break in and make us new. Prayer unmasks. Prayer converts. Prayer impels. Prayer sustains us on the way. Pray for the grace it will take to continue what you would like to quit.” ~ Joan D. Chittister

It started me thinking about our need to become vulnerable before God.  When Chittiser writes:.Prayer is an opening of the self so that the Word of God can break in and make us new, she hit the nail on the head.  There is no point in praying unless we open ourselves up to God, make ourselves vulnerable, expose our weakness, uncover our sins and then…open our hearts to be changed.

That is the essence of prayer.

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It makes me realize that we are often guilty of making prayer about us, our needs, and the things that we want God to  do for us and our part of the world.  And while asking for our needs  and the cares and concerns of the world are a part of what we need to pray for, it should not be the only prayer life we have.

When all we pray for/about is our needs then there is nothing in our lives that will sustain us for the long haul.  When our prayer is limited there will be no growth in spiritual strength that support us through the defeats that life throws at us.

Rather real prayer, true prayer that opens our hearts  and thoughts before God for examination and renovation will provide us with the opportunities for growth.  The goal of our spiritual life is to grow more and more Christ-like.  This can only be done when we give ourselves over to God and allow God to shape us and mold us and make us.

This happens through the process of sanctification which is how we are made holy only through the grace and justification of Jesus Christ through the work of the Holy Spirit.  Daily we pray, shedding our old nature and asking God to show us  the way to become the person we were created to be.

Which brings me back to the beginning of my thought process.  In order for that to happen we have to make ourselves vulnerable.  But first of all we need to face the fact that we are people who like to fool ourselves.  We pretend to be better than we are.  We ignore or downplay the parts of our nature we don’t like.  When God speaks to us, convicting us of sin, we cover our ears like a 3 year old, thinking that if we don’t hear it, it won’t be true.

And even if we do open ourselves to expose our sin before God there is another layer of vulnerability as we allow God to work in us to change us.  Change is very uncomfortable.  We like things the way they are.  If things change within us, then everything else changes too…. like the way we respond to other people and the responsibilities we will be compelled to take on.

I know that I can guard my privacy tightly.  I don’t want people to know the things that swirl deep within me, and I certainly am ashamed to  admit them to God.  But I have discovered in the process of the reflecting done on these pages here, that my life is so much richer when I open it to God and to others.

There are days when I am surprised at the depth of honesty in what I have written here, and I realize that this blog for me has been a way of entering the vulnerability of prayer, and opening myself up to the cleansing and renewal of God.  I am sure that I still have a long way to go, and I invite you to come on that journey with me, as we open our hearts before God and see where it will lead.  Let us submit to God as the clay does to the potter and see what God will make of us.

Life with God is always an adventure.

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Ask for help

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Christianity, God, prayer, spirituality

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Last night after the Scriptures were read I picked up a book devoted to Christian women written by Holley Gerth.  She was talking about the necessity of self care.  Women in particular are not good at practicing self care.  We tend to put others and their needs first.  As well, clergy are not good at the practice of self care.  So as a woman who happens to also be clergy I know that self care is the one thing that often slips for me.

Way back a year ago I was at a visit with my doctor in an attempt to discover what is wrong with me.  (Turns out to be chronic severe anemia probably due to an absorption problem.  One iron infusion and a gluten free diet later and I am beginning to feel better.)  At the time I was just bone weary, cold all the time, starving all the time and consequently gaining weight.  My doctor was working with an intern that day and as he was reviewing some test results he commented to the intern, “this woman here, she is very good at taking care of others, but doesn’t take care of herself.”  You know you are in trouble when even your doctor whom you don’t see on a regular basis has you so completely pegged.

Even so, the journey to self care is and always has been a difficult one for me.  Just in the last few months have I given myself permission to nap if I needed it, and to ask for help with things that I couldn’t manage.  Up until then I struggled to get it all done.  To do it myself.  To prove that I am not lazy, if only to myself.

So what Holley was writing about really resonated with me and even though I have made strides in the area of self care I know I still have a long way to go.  One of the things that she said, makes sense.  When we get tired, and people offer to help, we reject their help to prove we can handle it all, and then feel resentful when they take us at our word and leave us to it.

Why is it so hard to ask others for help.  In the last few months I have had a friend spend a whole day in  the city while waiting for me to have a five hour iron infusion.  Then when I had the flu another friend came and brought juice and ginger ale and scooped the litter box.  Those kinds of friends are hard to come by and I truly treasure them.  I am also grateful that they have helped me with no questions asked, and even no expectation of a returned favor.  Yes it was hard to accept the offers and to ask for the favor, but it made a great difference for me.

I believe  that a bigger problem in our journey to self care is that we don’t ask God for help.  We are so busy trying to be God’s servant, to take care of the people around us, to do what needs doing in our congregations, and shower the love of Christ everywhere we go.

But all that effort comes at a cost.  Our physical, emotional and spiritual strength is limited.  We need the time to renew and to restore.  One thing that totally floored me when I read it last night is that when we let ourselves get run down and deplete the hormones that help keep us balanced, it takes 6 months to restore the full balance.  If there was ever an insight that made me sit up and take notice that was it.  

Self care is so much more important than we realize.  We need to practice it on a regular basis, so that we are always in balance.  And that means asking God for help.  Sadly, those of us who would rather not ask for help from anyone, even have trouble with asking for help from God.

And when we do…. God answers that plea in very surprising and unexpected ways.  Am I ready for the help that God gives?  Well sometimes, okay most times, the way that God answers my plea for help is by doing the exact opposite of the things that I specifically ask for.  It is humbling to leave my life circumstances to God, because he shows me so very often that he knows what I need better than I do.  Over the years God’s help has upset me, angered me, disappointed me; but it has always been exactly what I needed.  Only with hindsight have I realized that God has done for me far better than I asked or imagined.

So…… deep breath…. courage…..and let us ask God for help….. and let us with open minds and hearts embrace the help that God sends our way.

Peace be with you all.

 

Acrostic Prayer

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Christianity, God, holy spirit, Jesus, prayer, spiritual disciplines, spirituality

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Yesterday I preached on the passage from Ephesians 6: 10-20, which outlines the armor of God.  I think that too often we interpret these things to be offensive weapons, and of course they are when needed, but it seems to me that they are primarily defensive.  Just like the police wear a bullet proof vest, or firefighters wear heat proof clothing. 

My favorite reference Bible is the Renovare Spiritual Formation Bible.  Regarding this passage, the commentators in the Renovare write:  To survive in the land of spiritual formation we must grow deep into the soil of prayer.

To this I would add….This folks is not optional.  We MUST grow deep into the soil of prayer.  This is the message for all times, and all people…. to engage in all the spiritual and prayer disciplines with all perseverance.  We are people of the Word and our lives are framed and shaped by prayer and God’s word.

So I thought that the best task for this week’s acrostic prayer is to use the various items of “spiritual clothing” that are provided for us in the Spiritual Disciplines.

helmet of salvation
breastplate of righteousness
shoes of the gospel of peace
the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God
shield of faith

heavenly Father
eternal Lord
life giving Spirit
my whole being sings your praise
expressing my love for you
trusting you to provide all I need for powerful spiritual life

bring your word into my heart
redirect my thoughts until they are your thoughts
examine my heart
abolish my selfish desires
sweep through me with your cleansing spirit
touch me with the gift of faith
penetrate my being with your love
lead me along the paths of righteousness
adjust my will
teach me your ways
everlasting ways of peace, trust, love and hope

spirit, holy and wise
healer of heaven
only begotten son
everlasting father
summon me into your service

send me forth
work through me
occupy me in your service
reach through me into your world
depend on me to fulfill your will

spring forth in my heart
heal me with the joy of your spirit
invite me into your perfect will
energize me in your service
lift from me the anxiety of self doubt
dwelling within me until my heart and spirit soars.  Amen

 

 

 

Prayer from the heart

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Christianity, God, prayer, Religion, spirituality, worship

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I think that the reason a lot of people don’t pray on a regular basis is because they think that they don’t know how.  There are those who believe that we have to pray in a certain way, follow a certain formula and say certain “high holy” words.

The truth is that prayer is simply our conversation with God.  We don’t avoid relationships with people because we don’t know how to have a conversation with them, do we?  Well the same thing holds true for God.  God wants to hear from us, he wants us to express what is in our hearts.  We may not always have the right words but as long as what we say is real and honest, then it is exactly what God wants to hear.

One thing that is very important to remember is that God who made us, knows our personalities and our quirks.  I like to play with words.  People know that.  Words are fun.  They can express so much, and when you put them together in certain ways they can speak volumes.  

One of the word plays that I really enjoy is alliteration, and it is something that actually comes easily to me. I often alliterate without thinking about what I am doing.  So I wasn’t surprised last night as I was praising God and just expressing my absolute delight and joy at what God was doing in my life to hear myself saying:

Gosh, Gee, Golly, God
you are
Great, Good, Grand, Grace-filled, Generous, Glorious
and I LOVE you.

So today I urge you, try praying as if you were just talking with a friend, and with an open heart pour your thoughts and desires before God…. and see what happens for you.

Pray like no one is listening

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God, grace, hospitals, Jesus, prayer, Religion, spirituality

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This morning I was out dong what ministers do. I went to the hospital to visit someone who was recovering from surgery.  He, his wife and I sat and had a pleasant chat for about 15 min, and then I asked if I could lead them in prayer.  I prayed, with thanksgiving for the long bond of love in their marriage and their relationship with God.  I asked for the comfort and peace of God’s Spirit as God laid a healing hand on the man in the bed.  When I said “Amen”  there was an “Amen” from someone in the other bed in the room, who was hidden behind a curtain.

So often when in those hospital type situations we forget who may be listening.  I remember once praying for someone who was dying, and unbeknownst a nurse had come into the room to administer meds, she waited quietly until I was done and commented on how she wished more people would pray for those in hospital.

So that was what I was doing today, with no thought about who might be listening, and with no expectation that the prayer would touch anyone other than the gentleman and his wife.  But the man in the next bed was listening, and when the Amen’s had settled into silence he asked, ‘Will you come over here and pray for me next?”

So when the visit ended, I went behind the curtain, and chatted with a very nice gentleman, learned about his illness and his lapse in church attendance.  God’s grace is free to all who need it and with the assurance that God loved him I prayed for God’s grace to fill his life and for the treatment plan to work in cooperation with the wisdom of the medical staff, and for the peace of God’s presence in all circumstances in that man’s life.

The person I was visiting was healthy and strong.  There was no expectation for anything other than a good recovery.  I could have left without praying, and he and his wife would have been more than happy with the visit.  The prayer, however was a means of bringing God’s presence into the healing process of two men, and the gift of grace to the second man.

Because I know this, and have learned it over years of ministry, I always pray in the hospital.  And who knows, maybe the prayer isn’t so much for those whom I visit but for those who happen to overhear.

These kinds of experiences remind me that God’s Spirit is always active and working, to bring people to God and to bless them in unexpected ways.  This is as true in your life as in mine.  So I urge you, take those opportunities to pray for others, pray as if no one is listening, and who knows may hear, and by hearing encounter grace.

The best thing about ministry is that you never know what’s going to happen next and how God will use you to be a blessing.  My prayer O God, is “make me a servant.”  Amen.

 

 

God is habit forming

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Christianity, God, Habits, prayer, Religion, spirituality

Hello everyone.  It’s been a while.  I spent the last week down and out with the flu and as a consequence did not do any blogging.  But now I am back.

Last week, I spent my days in a fog, zoned out in front of the TV, sleeping through the shows I really wanted to watch and awake for the shows that bored me to tears (where is the justice in that?).  In the evening I would climb the stairs and collapse into bed, glad to have survived another day.  

I left the lights on in case I needed to make an emergency run for it… you understand what I mean.  I rolled over pulled up the covers and tried to go to sleep. No go.  I couldn’t do it.  Something was missing.

Then yesterday I had some energy and got some laundry done, the bathroom cleaned and contemplated loading the dishwasher.  I was tired when I went up the stairs.  I collapsed into bed, pulled up the covers and tried to go to sleep..  No go.  I couldn’t do it.  Something was missing.

That something that was missing was the time I have been spending every night reading Scripture and praying.  A while back I made a commitment to be diligent in my spiritual practice and never be too tired to spend time with God.  (See https://tryingtopray.wordpress.com/2012/04/18/too-tired/)…. well since then it has been my habit to read Scripture and pray before going to sleep every evening.  And now that habit is so ingrained that sick or tired or grumpy or the cat is head bumping me for attention, my time with God comes first.  Who knew that God could be habit forming?

What about you?  How have you discovered that God is habit forming?

Olympic Life Lessons

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God, grace, Olympics, prayer, Religion, spirituality

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Now that the Olympic Games are over, we are left trying to figure out what we did with our days (or evenings) before they started.  Life has returned to normal, and that has left me wondering, what, if anything, can we learn from the experience.  It seems to me that I have learned a few things about myself as I have watched these games.

I still don’t like team sports.  Honestly, I tried to watch when my country’s teams were playing, but all I could  think of was an aunt of mine who always used to say, “Why not give them all their own ball and send them home.”  I’m okay with not having learned to like teams sports, but I have grown in admiration for those who played, which makes me realize that there are a lot of other things that I don’t like, but other people do and maybe its time for me to express to those people just how much I appreciate them doing those tasks I’d rather avoid.  Like the clerks who take minutes and the church secretaries who fight with the photocopier. 

I am most likely going to support the underdog.  If I came upon a sport in which I didn’t support any of the athletes, I would always root for the one that the sportscaster said didn’t have a chance.  They gave their all, and sometimes they actually pulled off an upset, but they never gave up.  From them I need to learn that no matter how difficult the task, I need to keep plugging at it and remember always that God supports me and strengthens me.

I like people with spunk and determination.  Like the mountain biker, who raced and gave it her all even though she had cracked her collar bone and a rib in training the day before.  They make me realize that it is possible to face any task with positive energy and a good attitude.  It’s a good life lesson for when the days are long and I am weary.

I don’t like people who are arrogant about their gifts and skills.  Self confidence is good, arrogance is not.  But I also learned that I sometimes can’t tell the difference.  During the Bejing Games I disliked Michael Phelps, I thought him arrogant and prideful.  This year I saw a side of him that was vulnerable and open.  I saw his gratitude for what he has accomplished.  Either he changed or I did, or we both grew in the last four years.  But I am glad to know that I have learned that I not only need to revisit my first impressions of people, but also that I can.  I thank God for the grace to do that.

I like people who are trailblazers.  Every one raves about the South African runner and he indeed put everything on the line and did well, but I am thinking primarily of those women from Muslim countries who came and competed, even while having to find a way to honor their religious dress code.  I like how every one supported them even as they waited for those women to finish the race.  I hope it is just the beginning of more women from every part of the world standing up for their rights and taking on the battle even if they have to stand alone.  I hope that if the opportunity arises I will enter the fray and support and encourage those brave women that I encounter.

I like people who are humble and honest.  Especially in team events when one contestant caused a DQ, and then they came and publically apologized for letting down their team and country I was impressed.  Yet I have to wonder, do I admit responsibility for my own mistakes as readily and honestly? 

I like people who are gracious, and filled with grace, and who extend that grace and mercy even in the face of defeat.  I have to say that I really admire the Costa Rican tri-athlete who got knocked down when the Canadian rider had a bike accident.  He wrote a letter to the Canadian rider and spoke of his admiration for him and extended an invitation to come and visit in Costa Rica.  This man came dead last in a race in which he could have done much better without falling off his bike …. that was grace.  It was like the command of Christ to go the extra mile.  I pray that I will have that same kind of grace when people inadvertantly hurt me or harm my chances at something.

From the Olympic Games I have learned that there are many qualities that make an athlete, but those same qualities should be apparent in Christians.  May I be strengthened in my walk with God so that I display those qualities that I admire and lose those that I don’t.

acrostic prayer

Today after morning worship I conducted a memorial service for a dear sweet man.  Over the years that I have …

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With the Spirit’s gifts empower us

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Acrostic, Christianity, God, holy spirit, prayer, Rellgion, Spirit, Spiritual Gifts, spirituality

This is a beautiful day, after yesterday’s heat and humidity.  The storm last night has swept through here with a mighty wind, the air has cooled and now the sun is shining, bathing everything in beauty.

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Ever since my last post I have continued to reflect on our need to desire more of the Spirit.  The breath of the Spirit cleanses and prepares.  He blows through us and clears out the stale and replaces it with a new glow, a new strength and a renewed purpose.  As well God’s Spirit leaves new gifts, gifts that are meant for us as we take on the walk of loving God and world.

For that reason, I have chosen today to write an acrostic prayer based on a portion of the refrain from this morning’s closing hymn.  “With the Spirit’s gifts empower us for the work of ministry.”

 

 

This, O God, is the day you made—we praise you
Heaven and earth come together in your love—we praise you
Eternity is revealed in the gifts you give to your people, the church—we praise you.

Spirit of God, wind, power, blessing—come among us and fill us with love
Present to us the gifts that will give us purpose and power
Inspire us to serve God in whole new ways
Redirect our hearts until they are wholly submitted to you
Indicate the road we are to travel
Train us in spiritual matters
Spirit of God, wind, power, blessing—come among us and fill us with love.

God, creator of all, we lay our hearts before you
In trust and humility we trust you to work in us, making of us what you will
Fill us with a desire for more:  more love, more grace, more of the gifts of the Spirit, more power in service
Teach us to watch for you, to listen for your Word, to follow your way
Spirit of God, wind, power, blessing—come among us and fill us with gifts.

Evangelism gifts
Ministry gifts
Persuasive gifts
Open hearted gifts
Welcoming gifts
Empowering gifts
Reflective gifts

Until our hearts overflow and your joy spills forth in all we do
Spirit of God, wind, power, blessing—come among us and fill us to overflowing.                   Amen.

Desire more

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God, holy spirit, Olympics, prayer, Religion, Shot Put, Spiritual Gifts, spirituality

My grandson, aged 3 1/2 loves balls.  He has loved balls since before he could talk, before he could walk.  In fact you could say he is obsessed with balls of every kind.  Big balls, blue balls, red balls, ping pong balls, bowling balls, gold balls, footballs volleyballs, basket balls, soccer balls, texture balls, squishy balls, paper balls (self made).  Of course he has a large extended family only too fond of feeding his obsession and so he has many multiples of each variety of balls.  My daughter has organized them into main floor balls, upstairs balls, basement balls, outside balls, car balls….because you know you can never be caught out with out a ball.

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This last week he has been extremely interested in the Olympics, he watches every chance he gets, asks questions constantly and even has discovered some sports that do not involve balls.  Then today when the track and field sports began he discovered a ball that he does not yet have.  He “suggested” to his mother that he needed to get a shot put ball.  She responded by saying that she didn’t know where to buy one.  He told her they could go to the nearest city to their home.  Oh don’t I know how challenging it is to have a child smarter than you and always with a ready answer to every objection.  My daughter was just like that.  So even though the poor boy won’t get a shot put ball, he will probably “practice” shot put with some other kinds of balls.  I suggested to my daughter that they might want to get extra glass coverage.  (Oh yes, this is a situation in which only a grandmother can delight….)

What is it that you have more than enough of and yet you still desire more?  What is it that you don’t yet have enough of and you desire more?

The list is different for each of us and probably includes things such as money, time, cars, friends, etc.  We can all think of something.  

Perhaps a better question is, what in your spiritual life don’t you have enough of?

Would any of you answer “the gifts of the Spirit”?

I don’t know about the denominations that you belong to, but I am a minister in the Presbyterian Church.  There are days that I am convinced we don’t want to allow the Holy Spirit into the church, never mind let the people loose to practice those gifts of the Holy Spirit.  What if they do something bold?  What if they dare to speak prophetically?  What if (gasp) they pray in tongues?  Nope much better if we just don’t allow the wild and unpredictable spirit and those powerful gifts loose.

But what would happen if we all got serious before God and started praying about our desire to have more of the Spirit’s gifts?

Paul writes:  Keep on pursuing love, and keep on desiring spiritual gifts, especially the ability to prophesy.  (1 Cor 14: 1)  It seems fairly clear that we are meant to not only have spiritual gifts, but also to DESIRE MORE OF THE SPIRITUAL GIFTS…. I have taught about Spiritual Gifts before, but today was the first time that it ever occurred to me that we need to desire more of the gifts.  God wants us to have more of the gifts.  We should not be content with the few gifts that we have, we should want all of the gifts.  You can never have enough spiritual gifts.

Personally I know that I have a fair amount of spiritual gifts.  I know that I don’t use all of those gifts as fully as I ought.  So today I wonder, what if I adopted my grandson’s attitude when it came to Spiritual gifts?  What if I want more and more, even of what I already have?  What if I want those gifts I don’t already have?  What if I ask God to pour out a full spiritual blessing upon me?  

Hey while I am at it, lets dream big dreams.  What if we all ask God for a greater outpouring of the gifts we already have?  What if we all ask God for the gifts we don’t yet have?  What would the church look like if that were to happen?

^{Acts 2: 1-4} When the Feast of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Without warning there was a sound like a strong wind, gale force—no one could tell where it came from. It filled the whole building. Then, like a wildfire, the Holy Spirit spread through their ranks, and they started speaking in a number of different languages as the Spirit prompted them.   …   

^38-39Peter said, “Change your life. Turn to God and be baptized, each of you, in the name of Jesus Christ, so your sins are forgiven. Receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is targeted to you and your children, but also to all who are far away—whomever, in fact, our Master God invites.”

⁴⁰He went on in this vein for a long time, urging them over and over, “Get out while you can; get out of this sick and stupid culture!”

^41-42That day about three thousand took him at his word, were baptized and were signed up. They committed themselves to the teaching of the apostles, the life together, the common meal, and the prayers.

Desire more.  Ask for more.  And see what will happen.