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Trying to pray

~ reflections on a life lived in the presence of God

Trying to pray

Monthly Archives: October 2013

perspective

30 Wednesday Oct 2013

Posted by ena in Prayer

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Christianity, faith, God, hope, Jesus, prayer, Religion, spirituality, Trust

This past month or so it has been creeping up on me–anxiety, worry, despair, fear and their ever present companion–depression.

I have weathered a lot of changes in the past year or so, none of them welcome.  But there has been grace in the turmoil, and I have been given a wonderful opportunity to rest and heal and figure out what God is calling me to next.  Well, I have rested and healed, but I have no clue where or what or how God is calling.  And that is disturbing, because I know that in the new year I will again face changes…. 

so I have been praying and worrying and laying awake nights trying to figure out what to do.  In that process I have been shutting down, not sharing, and keeping it all in.  And that has been blinking a huge welcome sign to the companions that are offering to join me on the journey.  But I don’t want them.  I want faith.

Today I was reading in Exodus about the journey of the people of Israel and how they are brought by God to the place by the water, but then they take their eyes off of God and see the pursuing Egyptian army.  Their response is fear.  It struck me that we have a choice in how we respond… with fear or with faith.  For me fear makes me crawl inside myself; but faith compels me to share the burden.

That’s what happened to me yesterday.  It began in the morning as I read in Exodus 13 about the start of the journey that the people of Israel were about to take.  It struck me that for every step of the way God was with them.  

The Lord went in front of them in a pillar of cloud by day, to lead them along the way, and in a pillar of fire by night, to give them light, so that they might travel by day and by night. Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people.  Exodus 13: 21-22

At no time were they alone.  God was with them, morning, noon, night.  Everywhere they were going, God was with them, in fact a little bit ahead of them clearing the way.  They didn’t know where they were going, their job was to just follow the pillar of cloud and fire and to trust that God was leading them in the right way.

My problem is that I want to know.  Actually more than that, I want to control.  I don’t think that I like living on the edge like this… and yet, yesterday I was reminded that I am not living here alone.  God is with me.  Better than that, God is just a little bit ahead of me, preparing the path, clearing the way.

That became clearer in the afternoon, as in caring and sharing time with my covenant group I shared what I am praying for, worrying about and losing sleep over.  Almost immediately there was a solution to one problem that I thought was insurmountable.  What a gift.  What joy to know that God was working it all out.  And why wouldn’t he be.  Not so long ago he worked out another insurmountable obstacle and gave me a place to live…so of course God will work out the arrangements for the next few months, years, and decades of my life.  I can stop worrying, and more importantly I know that when I start trusting and having faith and sharing with those whom God has given me that I will gain a whole new perspective.  

Faith begins with the gift from God, but it often comes displayed in human packages.  

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what the Spirit wants

21 Monday Oct 2013

Posted by ena in Prayer

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Chrisitanity, God, hope, prayer, Spirit, Submission, Trust. Religion

Yesterday I had a Sunday off from preaching in the congregation where I supply because they had a special speaker for their anniversary.  So I headed off to another congregation celebrating their anniversary where my friend Becky (who blogs at http://www.ministrytomotherhood.com ) was the guest preacher.  She spoke on the necessity of all of us to keep being reborn in the Spirit, to keep renewing our spirit’s in the will and the way of God.  

As I continue to think about that Sermon and the ways in which it spoke to me, I have also been reflecting on my speech and speaking in the last few weeks.  It is no secret that I am getting tired of unemployment.  I am feeling at times restless, and despondent.  I also feel hopeful when contacted by new congregations and then devastated when they choose another.  I feel affirmed by the feedback I am getting at the congregation where I am supplying…. and then I wonder why if everybody loves me I still don’t have a place to go….. and I am starting to assert what I want, and suggesting that it is time God gets in line….Seriously; and although I have used the words jokingly, I am certain that in my doubt, fear, uncertainty and despair that there really is a kernel of truth in this being a serious statement on my part.  

I have committed to the people in Strathroy until the end of December and then MY PLAN is to take some time in January and visit my grandchildren, followed by beginning in a new congregation on February 1…. that’s my plan, my hope, my desperate desire.  I am not so sure that I am willing to allow there to be another pathway.  

And yet… as a friend reminded me this morning, to submit to allowing God to continue to heal and teach me and continue unemployment may be what is best… and even as I rebel against that advice, I know in my heart that submitting to God’s will is the only solution, whatever that will may be.  

And so that sermon about continually being renewed in the Spirit and continually being prepared for the new challenges of ministry and service that God has prepared speaks to me in this wilderness time.  My prayer is that I be submitted in a healthy spiritual way and that the Holy Spirit be my guide and my inspiration.

SUBMIT

Spirit of life and hope
Unless you lead me I stumbe in the wilderness
Bring me forth in your newness of life and calling
Make my way plain, so that I see only what you are calling forth in me
Instill in me in the confidence and hope that can only result in knowing and following your will
Teach me the patience I need to trust you completely.  Amen.

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Our need to thank God

11 Friday Oct 2013

Posted by ena in Prayer

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Tags

Acrostic, Christianity, God, grace, Jesus, prayer, Religion, Salvation, spirituality, thanksgiving

The theologian Dallas Willard writes:  Our need to give is greater than God’s need to receive.

This weekend in Canada is Thanksgiving.  When I think of our need to give being so great it makes me wonder about our need to give thanks to God.  Certainly it can be said that our need to thank God is greater than God’s need to be thanked.

That is certainly true when we think about the enormity of what God has done for us.  From life to redemption, from redemption to forgiveness, from forgiveness to salvation, and from salvation to eternal life.

There is so much for which we are thankful, and yet when we thing of how much God has done and continues to do, we can be overwhelmed with the need to say thank you.  So overwhelmed that we may not have the words to express what we really feel.

 

How then does the creature say thanks?  On Sunday we will sing the hymn, “God of the Sparrow, God of the Whale”, which speaks repeatedly of our need to say something, but also of our inability to say it.

 

The questions the hymn asks:

How does the creature say awe?  How does the creature say praise?
How does the creature say grace?  How does the creature say thanks?
How does the creature say care?  How does the creature say Life?

The answer seems to lie in the final wonderment of the hymn:

How do your children say joy?  How do your children say home?

Our relationship with God transcends the creator and being relationship.  When we have experienced the woe of knowing that we are separated from God and then the joy of saving grace, we realize that we have been elevated to the status of family.  We have been adopted.  We have been given access to everything that God has.  Indeed we say joy.  Indeed we say that we are come home.  And then with hearts overflowing with love and thanksgiving, we realize that there is no way to be able to say an adequate thank you.  What is best for us to do is to simply enjoy the life God has given us, and live in such a way that we share that joy and love and awe and praise with the whole world so that they too may know the grace of salvation.  

 

There are no words to adequately express what we feel…let us simply rejoice in the Lord.

 

 

Let us pray:

REJOICE

Revive in us, O God, a desire to thank you with our whole being
Establish our joy upon the firm foundation of your grace
Join our hearts in joyful praise
Open our voices to sing your praises
Incite within us the need to thank you, praise you and serve you
Call us forth into the newness of being
Enlist us in your work of calling all people to redemption.  Amen.

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smart phone theology

05 Saturday Oct 2013

Posted by ena in Prayer

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Bible, faith, God's Word, prayer, Religion, Scripture, Spiritual Formation, spirituality

 

I am preparing to preach on the letter to the Romans.  It will be a Sermon Series until Christmas in the congregation where I am currently filling in.  Those of you who have read this blog for a while know that I love the letter to the Romans and was as recently as a year or so ago so captured with a book of sermons on Romans that when I finished reading it, I started over again.

 

What I love about the Letter to the Romans is that it is just so down to earth in the way it expresses our pathway to growing Christ-like.  

In this letter Paul keeps returning to the subject of Christian formation, which begins with our dependence on Scripture.

As a Presbyterian I can really support this view point… after all sola Scriptura is what we espouse.

When Paul talks about the importance of Scripture he is clear that we are meant to submit to Scripture.  He goes so far as to say that we should be harnessed to Scripture.  

 

That immediately evoked this image of a horse harnessed to a cart to mind–that cart going wherever the horse is going.

 

 

 But as I reflected on this it came to mind that an image that is far more current and very vivid for us in this day is that of our smart phones.  We might as well admit that we can’t function without our phones. They every where with us.  They are always within reach.  Every time an alert dingles we check to see if we have a text, or an email or a new post on any of the social media sites we frequent.  It even fills those moments when we have little to do as we play any number of games to pass the time….

So I think that what Paul means is that we are to keep Scripture as close as our phones.  We are to check on it as often as we check our phones.  We are to speak what it reveals to us, just as we share the latest text message, or joke email.  We are to respond to it as immediately as we respond to the alert signal.  

Just think about it… a world in which every one walks around with a Bible in hand.
Just think about it…a world in which every one pauses in conversations to check what the Bible says.
Just think about it…a world in which the content of the Bible fills our every conversation.

What a difference from a smart phone dominated world…. and what a difference it would make in us…

Let us pray:

SMART BIBLE

Spiriti of God, draw me into your revelation of the mystery of God in Scripture
Make my heart a place from which your Word flows O God
Alert me of the new things that you intend to reveal
Ring in my heart, so that I respond instantly
Text me with the good news that you want me to share with the world.

Bring me O God to your Book, your Word
Invite me to come into your saving knowledge
Bless me with the wisdom of your Spirit
Lead me on the paths of righteousness
Energize me in order that I may fulfill your will.  Amen

 

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