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Trying to pray

~ reflections on a life lived in the presence of God

Trying to pray

Monthly Archives: March 2014

I love you a billion

21 Friday Mar 2014

Posted by ena in Prayer

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Tags

Christianity, God, Jesus, love, prayer, Religion

My three year old grandson and I daily engage in what can only be called ACTIVE CUDDLING.  This is how it works…
 
He climbs on the footstool and either stands on my legs or on a good day between my legs.
     he LAUNCHES himself at me.
         he insists I put my book down and my glasses back on.
            he flings his arms around my neck and bangs his head into my shoulder
               he turns his head and juts his chin into my collarbone
                   he bangs his forehead against mine and bestows a bunch of sloppy kisses
THEN he stands on my legs and flips himself around and lands with his back to my chest and bangs his head onto my shoulder
    he squirms and wiggles for a while until he moves down my body
         he flings his head back and bangs my on the chest
THEN he digs an elbow into my side and flips over and cuddles like a baby
     when he decides that is “silly” he digs a heel into my other side and turns himself sideways into my body
          he nestles his head into my shoulder and gazes adoringly at me
 
The we start all over again with the cuddling and head banging of position one….
 
 
Yesterday as we were back into the face-forward, headbanging and kissing phase when he sat back and with a long look, said, “I LOVE YOU A BILLION”.   I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a long hug and reflected on the depth of love we  have for one another.  Sure makes all the cuddling bruises worthwhile.
 
 
 
Throughout the day I reflected on the ways in which we demonstrate our affection with God, especially during the times we spend in prayer. 
We come bursting into his presence and declare that we love him and think he is wonderful….
 
Then begin the pokes and jabs…
    You still haven’t answered my prayer about the direction of my life
        Take care of the family of the man killed in the accident yesterday
           Alleviate the plight of the children forced into becoming soldiers
                Heal the land from the latest earthquake, volcano, flood, hurricane
                    Stop the snow and the cold and bring back spring
                      Bless the….do this… remember this
 
And I know that all those things are important for us to pray about, but it made me wonder, how often do we come into God’s presence and simply sit there, basking in the peace and the joy and say to him, “I LOVE YOU A BILLION”.  More importantly how often do we remain peacefully, quietly, calmly in his presence until we can hear him say, “I LOVE YOU WITH THE STRENGTH OF ETERNITY”.  
 
images courtesy of Google Images
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Living Grace

19 Wednesday Mar 2014

Posted by ena in Prayer

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Tags

faith, God, grace, Grandsons, hope, Jesus, joy, love, prayer

It has been a long time since I have written.  So much has happened and life has definitely taken on a different rhythm.  

Last month I moved to another province and am now living with my daughter and her family.  I have started looking for work in places other than the church.  There are some interesting possibilities, and hopefully some of them will be an extension of the work and ministry in which I was previously engaged.  A friend has reminded me that we are called to be servants in all that we do.  That is a good thing to remember.

When I arrived here I was reading in Matthew.  It was definitely time to take a break from the wanderings of Moses and the desert time that I was going through.  Instead of feeding my faith, it was reinforcing my sense of hopelessness.  So I switched gears–and testaments–and started reading Matthew.  

Those first few chapters fed my soul.  Jesus words focused on grace and the gifts of God.  He talked about relaxing into the rhythms of grace.  I am beginning to see that rhythms of grace in my life, and am starting to reflect on the prayers of my past and how they have fit into the new grace that I am seeing.

For  years now I have been praying for the chance to live closer to my family, primarily my daughter and my grandsons.  That desire was so strong, but what I did not realize was that when prayer is answered, and when we enter grace we leave something behind.  So yes,even the Scriptures from the desert speak in this new grace that I am living.  For the people to enter the promised land they had to leave the security of Egypt, endure the desert and learn to trust God.

For me to enter the life I have desired with the closeness of family interaction, I had to leave the church.  Being so discouraged with the church, that was easy, and yet involved a great deal of grief.  I love that work, but I know that I have gifts and abilities that will translate into meaningful work and ministry in other areas of God’s Kingdom.  I look forward to seeing what that will be.

For now though, I look for work and anticipate the future that awaits, and I enjoy life and relish the grace that comes with it.

Life is different that’s for sure.  Life with three boys under the age of 5 has a whole other kind of rhythm.  

This life is busy, loud and full in ways that I could previously only imagine.  Every day is filled with the sharing of love, reading stories, hugs, cuddles and even games.  It seems that the best racecourse in the house is up and down my body.  It seems that I live to serve as gym equipment as the boys climb on me, jump on me and bounce on me.  This new life is filled with joy, and this joy will continue as when the job I am called to comes into my life and I find a new home of my own, it will be close enough to have those regular moments of joyful play and active cuddles.

I am living grace and I am eager to embrace all that this new grace will bring.

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